Many people believe that laziness is a skill. Those people would be wrong. Laziness is a way of life! Many attempt the lifestyle of a tasteful slacker, but few succeed. In a place like Bethesda, it’s almost painful to not fill up on AP classes, hit the gym every day, and do all of your homework when it’s assigned. Crazy, I know. Even in a place like that, I never found myself as driven as the the rest of peers. I’m what they call the Yoda of active inactiveness and my day to day schedule is a clear representation of such an honor…
I have three separate alarms for the morning. One at 5:00 AM, one at 6:00 AM, and one at 7:00 AM. The 5 AM is purely for show, of course. I like the idea of being ahead of the game, I really do, but it’s five o’clock in the morning, for crying out loud. Strangely enough, that alarm has mysteriously stopped going off all together for the past couple of weeks and my motivation to investigate is strictly non-existent… The 6 AM alarm is what I like to call my “wishful thinking” alarm. It goes off, I realize it’s 6 o’clock in the morning, and, of course, I add 40 minutes because no one has time for that. The 7 AM alarm is kind of like my safety net. Instead of just adding time to my second alarm, sometimes my hand accidentally slips on the off button, causing my late start to start even later. In the sadly frequent possibility that this will occur, I’m forced to give up makeup and relatively stylish clothes for the day, which in hind sight is totally worth the extra sleep.
I walk to school every day, so I have to leave a bit earlier than most B-CC students. My first period is in the basement, which, from the direction I walk, is the farthest place in the school for me to get to. But even still, some days when I’m really late I’m so committed to the lazy life that, rather than walking all the way around the school, I stand by the door in the freezing cold Until a building service person or teacher walks by to let me in, which, as you may know, takes forever. I guess that’s more stupid than lazy, but I like to accept it as both.
When I get home from school, even my laziest of school clothing comes off and the pjs come on. I’m talking planel pants, t-shirt, fuzzy socks, the works. Once I’m properly situated, I usually get something to eat. To avoid the unneeded movement required to walk all the way down the stairs to the kitchen and and then all the way back up the stairs to my room, I always keep non-perishables in my room (pop-tarts, apple crisps, etc) to save my legs the trouble. I know how that sounds, trust me. Are there bugs crawling around my room? Do I hide food under my pillow? No and no. I keep it neat, okay? Anyways, one time I forgot to get a plate before walking upstairs and instead of accepting defeat, I embraced my extreme laziness and used a random collage postcard I found in my room as a substitute. Now that’s recycling for you.
Those are just a few of the many instances where I chose to do the bare minimum. Trust me, there are more. Still don’t believe me? Think there are lazier people out there than me? This assignment I’m writing right now? It’s due in 20 minutes. Don’t even get me started on my procrastination!
by Melissa Shore